This past year has been a year of persistent prayer, conviction, praise and the testing of my faith.
God used this past year to stretch my understanding of Him. How good He is. How powerful He is. How real He is. How we are to praise when “in the midst”, even when that praise began with a prayer for strength to do so. This is a brief account of how I “got a clue” this year.
I was running one evening and the song “Oceans” began to play in my earbuds. I was singing along in my head when I was metaphorically brought to my knees.
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”
I have sung this song with conviction and passion in church, in the car, it even played in Kohls one time. However, what we sing to our God, what we pray to our Father, those words have power. We are not entertaining a passive deity, we are conversing with the very alive creator of the universe. Sit in this realization for a moment.
He hears you.
In 2017, God called me to walk in deep waters. He did exactly what this song asks for…a moment to test my faith- to experience God in a greater way. He answered with “okay”. The problem was…
I was fine… then, I looked down. It was deep. I looked up, it was dark. I took my eyes off of Christ and became angry that He would put me in such a situation. I started sinking. Human indignation began to take root. Doesn’t He know me? I pressed on, I praised when defeated. Prayed when exhausted. The waves rolling. One after another. He answered prayers in huge ways. My frustration overshadowed them. He provided respite. My arrogance took credit. My attitude was abysmal. No spectator to this floundering would say “she handled that gracefully”.
God, mercifully, chose to bring me out after a time. To place my feet on dry land. To lift my face towards His. It was two months after this grounding that my hindsight was 20:20. I had failed to take seriously the power of my Savior. He hears what I say, He listens to my song. He is not to be mocked or underestimated. I wished I would have seen the season for what it was, an opportunity to cling, to pull close to my Savior, to see Him in it all. To see the bigger picture.
I realized how I wasted a year of incredible growth because I failed to see it for what it was – an opportunity that, in some ways, I prayed for. I prayed for, as we often do, an experience of the greatness of God. I failed to think that the experience of his greatness would be witnessed painfully. Needless to say, the next Sunday, the worship team started off with “Oceans”. I stood in silence. I looked around. These people have no idea what they are asking for, or maybe they do. I didn’t. I smiled, where my “feet may fail” is a true testing. I still couldn’t sing the full song. I pray carefully now and with greater reverence and optimism. He is amazing. He is good. He is powerful. He is alive. He is God.